Express
by girly1393
Summary: Severus is about to be turned upside down.


Severus had had plenty of time to contemplate what death would be like. He didn't know if there would be anything, but he hoped he would awaken to the glowing, glorious green of Lily Potter's eyes. He had never much considered dying itself, although if he had, his first impression would have been doom at the Dark Lord's hands. He wouldn't have expected it to be so painful, but he wasn't much surprised. However, he would never have anticipated Harry Potter to be kneeling at his side. In one last effort to reconcile for the years of torment he had inflicted upon this boy, this boy he now saw was more like his mother than his father, Severus offered up the truth. Begging for one final glimpse, Severus opened his eyes wide. He would die with those heavenly green eyes and, if he was lucky, he would see them again soon.

But luck had never much been on his side. He opened his eyes to a swirl of gray, and he did not understand. He could not fathom the depths nor the expressions. This was all wrong.

"Severus," a smooth deep voice called softly, the sound echoing into a void. "Severus, take my hand." He became aware of the emptiness encompassing the both of them, a white sort of nothing that held sharp edges and distinct shadows. His eyes flickered a moment, absorbing the sleek black hair and the curve of a nose, the points of a smile and the bend of shoulders, and finally he found the outstretched hand. He grasped it and was pulled onto his feet. In a rush of sound and a dizzying of vision, a blast of color surrounded him. It held vibrant blues, dusty browns, a smattering of reds, a stretch of greens beneath him, and distant moving rainbows shaped vaguely like people.

He turned to the nearest figure and gasped aloud. Here, before him, stood an enemy of his schooldays. Sirius Black had never spared him a kind word, never offered a helping hand, never even addressed him by his proper first name.

"Severus, I am sorry," he began, his eyes earnest and probing. "I am sorry for the way I abused you, humiliated you, and terrorized you in our school days. I am sorry for the ungrateful, grueling manner I treated you with as adults. Dumbledore trusted you, and thus I should have put my unfounded schoolboy grudge against you aside, yet I never managed it. I apologize deeply for assuming you were only pretending to be on our side and playing a fool of all of us. I am so inexpressibly grateful to you for what you have done for Harry. You have given him the tools to save the world, Severus; you have saved us all."

Severus felt for a moment as though he had lost his mind. During his years at school, he continued to hope that one day his bullies would finally understand what they had done to him. He never expected the worst of them to step forward and acknowledge the pain he caused, but it was the best gift he had been given. If Severus had not believed in a heaven before, he did now. Only in heaven could such joyous words be uttered.

"Sirius," he tried, his voice cracking under the weight of his need to express his feelings, but he was hushed quietly.

"There is much for you to see here, Severus, and then you can say everything you wish to," Sirius said softly. He gestured for Severus to follow, and with a deep breath, Severus did. As they walked, it seemed Sirius had more to say.

"Every person is met by someone from their past. Regulus was here for me. He and I were at odds when he died; he died knowing I thought him scum, and he made it his duty to inform me of what he had finally learned the moment he saw me again. The person who comes to meet you is someone who has something to say, and I admit it took me quite a bit of persuading to be the one for you. I know it's only right, though, that you begin your afterlife with something you should have had your whole life: peace of mind. Dumbledore almost took my head off when I told him I was going, his seniority be damned." Sirius chuckled here and Severus surprised himself by joining in.

There were plenty of words he wished to give that old man, very few of them pleasant, but he realized it could wait. He had spent the last few months following Dumbledore's orders to perfection and he had paid dearly for it. However, right now, it seemed as if much still needed to be accomplished. For Severus believed that Voldemort lived and Harry Potter remained in the gravest of perils.

"You're probably wondering where you are. I think I told you all out of order, actually. I forgot all of the rules the moment I saw you." Severus burst into unexpected laughter. Sirius Black had never remembered a rule in his life; Severus had hated him in school for it, for the way he could disregard every rule ever made and still be treated like a prince. A quarrel about Sirius' royal habits is where the inspiration for Severus' self-given title, the Half-Blood Prince, had come from: his own desire to be loved so thoroughly and the history of his mother's heritage.

"This is not like what any of the storybooks tell children," Sirius continued when Severus' laughter had died. His guide still retained a smile and Severus found himself grinning back. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he knew it was akin to his revelation that, in Death, mortal arguments and grudges held little value. "There is a time for atonement and a time for reflection, but mostly there is peace. It is difficult to describe, but in a little while, you shall see for yourself. Ah, here we are."

Severus spun in the motioned direction in time to see Remus Lupin step toward him. He did nothing more than smile and shake his hand, nodding in recognition of something Severus didn't understand yet. Severus knew his issue had never really been with Remus, just that he had been jealous of the friends he found even in spite of his condition, of the bond he maintained with three other boys while Severus was type-casted as a loner for many of his years, of the friendship he enjoyed with Lily even when she ceased to speak with Severus. Remus forgave him for the harm and misfortune he had caused, and Severus released his jealousy. It was useless here, wasn't it?

"Severus Snape, you are one brave man," a voice rang out from the depths and Severus recoiled ever so slightly. He gasped a few deep breaths and spun around. Instead of a deep rage, Severus found himself surprisingly relieved. He had hated James Potter with a ferocity he could not control, but when he acknowledged the truth, he knew Lily had always been meant for James. It was not worth his energies to remain angry at this man now that they lived in Death. "You cannot imagine how grateful I am for all you have done for my boy, and how much I envy that it was you who got all of those years with him instead of me."

The jealousy of James Potter was something he had longed for during their school years and to hear of it now seemed to permanently release the anger and the hatred toward James.

Severus offered his hand and James shook it enthusiastically. Severus felt gratitude for the lack of mention of his lifelong love of Lily and of all the terrible arguments and duels they had gotten into over her the last few years at Hogwarts. A hand clapped him on the shoulder and Sirius Black's face belonged to it.

Severus stood in the circle of these men, the men he had envied for seven long years as a student and unspeakably into the empty yearning years of his adulthood, and examined each of their faces.

James Potter was undoubtedly the youngest, having died at 21 years of age. He had the most joy, the most celebration, the most love in his face. His face had always been an open book, his hazel eyes alighting with every emotion he felt. It seemed juvenile now, how much he had hated and cursed this man when, if they had ever tried, they could have been great friends. Maybe now, in this afterlife, they could give it a go.

Remus Lupin had the most worn face of them all, the result of many horrible years of worrying and fighting. It was younger and lighter, though, than Severus could remember seeing in years, the older version of his face when they had left Hogwarts. There seemed no more pain, no more worry, and no more fear in his eyes. Severus had heard of his son's birth, and he wondered how he would deal with leaving his son. Severus hoped he knew it was for a worthy cause, the safety of the future, and that, if Harry Potter had a say about it, the young Lupin would know what his parents had died for.

Sirius Black appeared more handsome than he had in years, especially to Severus. It seemed fruitless, how they had tormented one another for years when they could have gotten along. This man had fought for the opportunity to be the first to greet him in death, to share his apologies and ask forgiveness. Severus extended his hand and Sirius Black took it.

"There is one more," he stated quietly and led Severus by the hand away from James and Remus. Without knowing how, he knew that James and Remus would be there until he returned.

A flourish of red stole Severus' attention and he released Sirius with a jolt, a grin smearing itself across his face. He took off running, his knees groaning in distaste but his need for her embrace stronger than his aching, slightly aged limbs' complaints.

"Lily!" he cried. She lifted her head, her beautiful smile gracing her glorious mouth and her breathtaking eyes piercing him with a simple happiness. She laughed when he charged into her, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"Sev, it's good to see you," she whispered, folding her arms around his back and squeezing in return. "My, you have gotten old!"

"You would have, too, Lily, if I hadn't told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. I knew it was wrong, even as I did it, but I was just so angry with what had happened to me in life. Selfishly, I begged him to spare your life when I found out it meant your family and he offered you the chance. That's why you had the opportunity to give Harry such power. I envied that, too. I hated that you loved both of them more than you had ever loved me. I'm sorry, Lily, I really am. I have spent my whole life trying to make up for that mistake, and I'm sorry I could never love Harry. He was too much like James, and I had always wanted what James had. I wish I had been a better person, but I wasn't. I wish I had had better motives, but I didn't. I'm sorry, Lily."

"Oh, Sev," she said, her voice creaking with emotion, "you have more than redeemed yourself. You put your life in danger by double-crossing Voldemort and you saved my son's life."

"I'm not sure he will live, Lily, not if what Dumbledore deduced turns out to be true."

She just smiled in return and, not for the first time since he had arrived, he felt very confused.  
>"Time is different here, Sev, and so you wouldn't know. You were still in transfer when Harry needed help. Severus Snape, your contributions to his knowledge gave him the courage to face Voldemort alone and the Horcrux within him was destroyed. You were being greeted by Sirius as the most feared wizard in history was killed by a backfiring spell, rebounded off the wand held by my seventeen-year-old son. It's over, Severus."<p>

Severus knew he would have to make a very strong case for it against his mother, but he also knew it was him who would greet Harry Potter when he finally came to Death.

"Hey, Severus!" Sirius called in the distance. Severus turned and found himself facing the one place he knew he belonged. "You still owe me a duel!"

Severus laughed. "I don't think you'll win!" he yelled back.

Walking side by side with Lily, he approached Sirius. James, hand in hand with Lily, and Remus faded away and Severus found himself filling up with words. As they began to form, he realized they belonged to his own apology and he sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself to express the words long due in coming, for he now apologized not just to Sirius but to the universe for what he had done over the expanse of his life.


End file.
